For much of my life, I denied my intuition and “different-ness,” grasping at straws for explanations, relying on only the tangible sciences for any sort of normalcy.
Hidden away
in the mountainous wilds
of Arizona, USA,
I have finally learned
how to truly Breathe.
My maternal grandmother (pawpaw) was a religious Buddhist, meaning the devotion in her daily worship rituals was nearly tangible. She taught me from a young age many mantras so that I may better pay my respects in front of our various idols.
From my early schooling years (Kindergarten, I believe it was), I was drawn towards words and the magic of writing, finding it to be a powerful and effective force in which I could express myself. With this came my fascination towards absolutely everything I could get my hands on to read, including the fringe sciences and global cultural beliefs. Unfortunately for me, I was private schooled for a majority of my childhood in very strict, conservative Christian and Catholic environments. I had few people to talk to, and even fewer who understood me.
In my very early teens, I was tested for alternative learning programs. I was considered “intellectually gifted,” but my learning curve was nothing if not short. Placed in classes by those considered my peers, I was isolated from the genius minds who excelled, because I learned slower than I “should” have (according to teachers and other adults who spoke to me or read my written studies). Blessedly, it was in these schools, at my own pace, that I learned the structures of science and logic and mathematics. By applying scientific and logical steps to my fascination with the metaphysical, spiritual, and occult, I finally felt like I had a grasp of what actually Could-Be and what was completely counter-intuitive. I had a much better grasp on the line between the Unseen and Reality.
I follow science
and revel in human rationale
but
I can not believe
we have discovered everything there is to discover
nor that we have found evidence for everything that exists.
By this time, I was casting “play” spells, using fire magic to compliment written magic, rejoicing in the ritual of written spells that could be burned and sent into the universe. I have never found reason to Spell frequently, but the few light rituals I secretly did yielded undeniable results.
I began searching for a group of wiccans or witches or whatever other names practitioners of old Earth magic called themselves. Unfortunately (or, perhaps, fortunately), all I could find were workers of vengeance, self-service, and darkness. Uncomfortable, I struck out alone in my practices. Luckily for me, I found a brief home in the Gothic scene for several years, soon giving up my magical practices for naught; too much in that walk of life was about death, and I had already fought with that spectre for so long.
It is very difficult thing
to convince oneself that any magic
or Universal Energy exists,
especially when one feels utterly alone.
Fast forward a few years to my early 20s. The stress of two jobs, a too-active social life, family problems, and moving every 7 or so months (while trying to “be normal”) finally became too much. An unexpected mental collapse caused me to rediscover my long-neglected intuition.
During the time of my breakdown, I remembered a lot of what I had learned then pushed away in my youth. I saw daily images of What-Could-Be, felt shadows brush against me that laughed at my misery, dreamed post-apocalypse dreams, and heard unearthly music. Finally reconciled, my parents sent me to a Taoist retreat in order to find a semblance of normality. While I will always be grateful for their gift and their belief that I wasn’t truly losing my mind, I did find that the energetic frequency of Taoist followers is not one I follow.
Once I returned from the retreat, I started speaking about my experiences to those around me–including those who I had thought were crazy for years–those who spoke of psychic phenomena and mystical experiences as the “norm.”
Under the guidance of these amazing women,
I finally began to make sense of my world.
It has been about 7 years since my meltdown. It has been about 7 years since I have started accepting that my human experience is blessed with a kind of Sight that I have now chosen to hone. It has been about 5 years since I have begun to marry my beloved Logic to with my shy Intuition.
I am still new to the mystical or energetic or magical Path, and yet I know the last decade has been spent readying me to accept it into my life. As a student-teacher, I absolutely will continue down the Path, but I no longer have to do it alone. I have found many teachers (both long-term and chance-encounters) in these last years, and I hope to meet more students like myself, and bring initiates into the fold of accepting themselves.
I still view the world through skeptical eyes, but how can I not be open to possibilities? Since I finally embraced Universal Energy (about 5 years ago), I have steadily offered oracle readings to those close to me to hone my intuitive skills. I may not be perfect, but I have been told I am uncanny in my accuracy.
I also offer some personal coaching interspersed in the reading services, and I will be starting down the life coaching path very soon.
For first-time guests,
please ask about my discounted rates.
I want to earn your patronage and let my work speak for itself.